she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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