Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
