There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
