good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
