LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
