the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
