im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
