If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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