I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
whose parrot is this?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
