I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
