dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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