so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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