My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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