Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
