please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
