I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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