i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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