I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
