I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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