You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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