You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
