I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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