he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
