Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What a dumb baby whore.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
