I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
