You really coming over, don't trick.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
