Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
