I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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