but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
