yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
