It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
