she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
