please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
