laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
