The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
