I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
