Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
