What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
