oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
NoShamevember. You game?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
