here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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