this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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