I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
