who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
