Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
