yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
