kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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