The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
