What did we do last night that was yellow?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
