I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
