Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
