Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm both gender and math confused
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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